Detachment Parenting

My wife keeps hammering out these fantastic blog posts. Which blog posts? Blog posts like this:

Sleep / Training

Every time I hear the term "attachment parenting," a part of me winces. Like it's been poked. That's because I practice "detachment parenting." They key tenet of my philosophy is not getting so close (emotionally? physically?) that his casual cruelty and selfishness overcomes my self control. Oh, there have been times when the rage builds up and I have to scream into a pillow. I've punched mattresses. I've ordered sandwiches. Lapses in self control that have not, because of my detachment approach, resulted in the lad's death.

Can I get a medal for this? Are there doctors writing articles about how amazing it is that some dads manage to care for tiny children without succumbing to logical and natural violent urges? We have a crucial non-role to play in our children's lives, and we deserve some praise, I think.

And we're tired of sleeping on the edge of the bed, so hurry up and sleep through the night, kid.

UPDATE: For you students of dramatic irony out there, it is never a good sign when someone writes an up-date to a post about not killing their toddler.

Today, at around 4:30 pm, I nearly semi-eviscerated my 16 month son. When we open the dishwasher, he scrambles in an attempt to climb into it. We endeavor to close the door as rapidly as possible in order to prevent this. So far so good. Everything is very logical and non-criminal. Right?

He got too close. The door... well, it got him. In the belly. I felt the need to use rubbing alcohol.

That is a solid strike against my pledge to "kill no sons." I hope this doesn't count against me in June. It would be a pity if Clinton walked away with my award... again!